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This year represents a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who forgo having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday repulsions that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {