Those Words shared by My Father Which Rescued Us when I became a New Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth soon became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to addressing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a broader failure to talk amongst men, who still absorb negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - going on a few days away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."